Wednesday, June 30, 2004

I hope he got his tickets.

This is by far one of the funniest things that I have ever read...

eBay item 4146756343 (Ends Apr-28-04 15:37:01 PDT) - SIZE 12 WEDDING DRESS/GOWN NO RESERVE

For Sale: One Slightly Used Size 12 Wedding Gown. Only worn twice: Once at the wedding and once for these pictures.
Make: Victoria
Style: 611
Size: 12
Divorce forces sale

I found my ex-wife's wedding dress in the attic when I moved.  She took the $4000 engagement ring but left the dress.  I was actually going to have a dress burning party when the divorce became final, but my sister talked me out of it.  She said, "That’s such a gorgeous dress.  Some lucky girl would be glad to have it. You should sell it on EBay. At least get something back for it."  So, this is what I’m doing.  I’m selling it hoping to get enough money for maybe a couple of Mariners tickets and some beer.  This dress cost me $1200 that my drunken sot of an ex-father-in-law swore up and down he would pay for but didn’t so I got stuck with the bill.  Luckily I only got stuck with his daughter for 5 years. Thank the Lord we didn't have kids. If they would have turned out like her or her family I would have slit my wrists. Anyway, it’s a really nice dress as you can see in the pictures.  Personally, I think it looks like a $1200 shower curtain, but what do I know about this.  We tried taking pictures of this lovely white garment but it didn’t look right on the hanger as you can see, so my sister says, "You need a model."  Well, quite frankly my sister isn’t exactly small, (like a size 12 is?) so she wouldn’t pose for the picture. Seeing as I have sworn off women for the time being and I ain’t friends with any, it left me holding the bag.  I took the liberty of blacking out my face - not to protect the ex-wife but to protect me from my bar buddies and co-workers finding out about it.  I would never live it down.  Actually I didn’t think my head would fit in the neck hole, but then I figured she got her Texas cheerleader hair through there I could get my head in it.  Though, after looking at the pictures, I thought it made me look fat.  How do you women wear this crap? I only had to walk 3 feet and I tripped twice. Don’t worry ladies - I am wearing clothes on underneath it.  I gotta say it did make me feel very pretty.  So if it can make me feel pretty, it can make you feel pretty, especially on the most important day of your life, right?  Anyway, I was told to say it has a train and a veil and all kinds of shiny beady things.  I think it's funny that one picture makes it look like the chest plate off an Imperial Storm Trooper.  Did I mention that all I want is a ball game and beer?  Cheap at twice the price.  Ladies, you won’t regret this.  You may regret the dude you marry but not the dress.

Just a little side note - As I was putting this ad in EBay, it asked me for a color.  Is a wedding dress any other freaking color than white or ivory??!!  If it is it wouldn't be a wedding dress, now would it??  I suppose black would work...

See the pictures and read the whole thing here

What Adult Film Should You Star In?

You Should Star in "Beautiful"

A modern day Snow White tale - with gimps, sexy evil witches, and plenty of sex

In the end, Snow White does bed her prince... but not without having the erotic adventure of her life

Your split personality of naughty and nice is perfect for this film

You could star in any role. Just make sure not too have to much poison apple martini!

What Adult Film Should You Star In?

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Tuesday, June 29, 2004

You Are Briana Banks

You Are Briana Banks

Not the most famous porn star around, but always a fan favorite
Super tall, super busty, super cute... with a penchant for dirty Euro sex
Like Brianna, you'd love to be in the middle of a lesbian gangbang
Or perhaps just in a sexy milk bath with another hot girl

What Porn Starlet Are You?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Monday, June 28, 2004

Raindrops on roses

I got some pictures developed the other day.
I took this picture while I was driving to a softball game. I was on the highway stuck in traffic when I looked up and saw two rainbows.
I took these while waiting for traffic to clear out of the parking lot after going to a Yankee game.

I took this one on the way home from the Bronx

Who is the old guy dancing in the Six Flags commercials?

I'm sure that by now just about everyone who watches tv at all has seen the Six Flags commercial with the dancing man. I originally wanted to know who was doing this dance so I did some searching and ended up with far more information that I had planned.
When I looked for who the dancing man was I found someone had already asked Google.
Who is the old guy dancing in the Six Flags commercials?
There is no answer at this time.

from The Times-Picayune
The wildly popular commercial for Six Flags theme parks is the subject of oodles of blogs and message boards on the Internet. Most bloggers seem obsessed with identifying the "little old guy" who dances but some just can't get the song out their heads. Only the chorus music from the 1998 Vengaboys dance hit "We Like to Party (The Venga Bus)" is used, but it's enough to pique the curiosity of plenty of viewers. The Vengaboys are an otherwise forgettable Latin band. As for the "little old guy" dancing in the commercials, Six Flags offices all over the country have been flooded with calls from people wanting to know more about him. But theme park officials will say only that he's their "ambassador of fun" and won't reveal his identity or anything else about him (or her). The spot is Six Flags' first nationwide ad campaign in seven years and it's a huge success. In fact, the psychedelic bus featured in the ads is making the rounds to Six Flags theme parks and it will be at the New Orleans park sometime in June.

This is what I found people were saying and talking about in regards to the ad.
From Pinwheel at RateItAll
The Old guys is frightening. I lie awake at night fearful that if I fall asleep he'll creep up the stairs, sneak into my bedroom, and bludgeon me with a hammer until I'm dead. My last vision would be that of this terrifying ghoul laughing as he continuously strikes me about the head and body. I imagine as the last breath excaped my lungs, he would drop his pants and urinate on my lifeless body then dance his way down the stairs to continue his rampage on the rest of my family. He would beat my father until he was paralyzed and force him to watch as he beat my mother and abused her corpse. If six flags is willing to instill such fear into minds of television viewers, I couldn't imagine the horror that must exist at their parks.

From grmarq88 at RateItAll
What an advertising coup! I love this guy! My teenagers do not understand why I am so obsessed with him. I am frustrated that GMA didn't reveal who it was. I woke all the kids up to watch; they went back to sleep. My daughter told me it was Paris Hilton. I'm going with the Steve Urkel kid.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

You Should Have a Threesome


You Should Have a Threesome

You are sure to be a threesome pro (even if you're a first timer)

You're considering having a threesome for the right reasons

Not as a quick fix for a dull sex life or bad relationship

So grab the nearest hottie, and bring him or her into your bedroom

As long as your partner is game - you're sure to have a good time

Be safe, considerate, and don't end up sleeping in the wet spot :-)

Should You Have a Threesome?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Are you Addicted to the Internet?

Are you Addicted to the Internet?


Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%)
While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury...

The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Which Genocidal Maniac Are You?

Ariel Sharon: Breaking international law like it's going out of fashion.
Which Genocidal Maniac Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
A solemn 'shalom' to you You're Ariel Sharon!
You're the current Prime Minister of Israel, responsible for the killings of numerous Palestinians at the hands of the Israeli army and police forces, not to mention the illegal destruction of Yassir Arafat's HQ. But check this! You were also the Minister of Defence in 1982, when Israeli forces brutally massacred Palestinians in two refugee camps on the outskirts of Beirut non-stop for over thirty hours.
Regarding your current actions against the Palestinian people, you recently said: 'In wartime, you don't have to expose everything to the world, to stand in public and reveal everything, in the name of that hypocritical and lie-filled concept known as honesty.' In other words, you're not going to say what you're doing, and you might even lie about it.
Spoken like a true genocidal maniac.
[People criticising Sharon and the Israeli regime are often accused of being anti-semitic. As intelligent people will know, a comment on a country is not the same as a comment on a race of people or a religion. Our criticism is purely political, and this test was written by someone with a Jewish background. We hate racism, and we thank you for not falsely accusing us of it.]

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Which Evil Criminal are You?

I am Kissinger.
Which Evil Criminal are You?
A Rum and Monkey crime.
Congratulations, you're Henry Kissinger!
Widely viewed as an unindicted terrorist, only Pol Pot rivals you for being responsible for the most deaths of innocent people in South East Asia. You, in collaboration with the Nixon administration, helped put General Pinochet in power and kill Salvador Allende. You also helped coordinate the secret bombing of Cambodia.
And despite all that, you won a Nobel Peace Prize - for your work in Vietnam.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Which Office Moron Are You?

I'm the IT manager. Do you fancy me?
Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.
I'll smoke you a kipper, because you'll be back for breakfast. You're the cult television show quoting, user account deleting, soap loathing IT Manager.
Something in your childhood has made you the way you are. You've been hired to provide a service to everyone else in the office - you make the computers run, and you make them run well. You've streamlined everything; you've removed all the viruses and installed all the firewalls. The only trouble - the only hole in your veneer of digital perfection - is the way you laugh at everyone.
If someone doesn't know UNIX, you laugh at them. If they lose their password, they laugh at them. If they visit a website using Microsoft Internet Explorer and their computer succumbs to an Internet worm, you laugh. Then you take a swig of your Coke, and with another hearty chuckle tell all your friends on IRC about the idiots you have to deal with.
Maybe it makes you feel better about yourself, although let's face it, you don't need help in that department. You're great, you. Fantastic like burning cool. If only those luddite office fools would let you play Unreal Tournament in peace.

Monday, June 7, 2004

Which Extremity of the World Are You?

You burn with the fires of a million suns.
OK, so that's an exaggeration. Perhaps only a thousand. Or 0.0106 suns, to be less fantastically inaccurate: that's the proportion of the Sun's surface temperature you reached on the 13th of September 1922. Your record of 60.6 degrees Celsius beats any other recorded for anywhere else on the planet. That's enough to melt an ox, create mercury from thin air or spontaneously turn oil into soup. 'strue. Really.
I am Al-Aziziyah, Libya!
Which Extremity of the World Are You?
From the towering colossi at Rum and Monkey.

Saturday, June 5, 2004

Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?

Like a Ninja Turtle, only less green, with no shell, and I don't worship a giant deformed rat. Much.
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
Must kill, ha ha, ha ha! Death! Playground antics! Cake and cheese! Yes! you're an Insane ninja child!
The blast must have hit you particularly strong, because you've gained a billion new superpowers and can take on anyone you want. Even that kid Gunrock-with-nine-arms from down the street. Only problem is, it's driven you completely insane and you now have a thirst for blood equalled only by your thirst for vengeance and peeing in the kitchen bin.
No, stop! That's what the toilet's for. Stop I say!

Thursday, June 3, 2004

Are You Damned?

Sex With Nuns
Are You Damned?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Sex With Nuns
Whether as a punishment or as a reward, the fates have decreed that you will spend eternity having sex with nuns. Better be careful though, they are 'Brides of Christ', and if he catches you at it he'll pull out your pubic hair.

Tuesday, June 1, 2004

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?

Can it, you're Bender!
In the robot world, you are a bit of a lightweight in the colossal death league, but you do mutter "kill all humans" in your sleep - and after all, it's the thought that counts. We love you because you drink, steal, smoke cigars and gamble away things that aren't even yours. You've got what it takes. You're the right stuff.

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey