Friday, May 24, 2002

Sorority Bitch

It's not like I'm totally like this all the time ;) And so what if I have a few things in common with a sorority bitch? What-Ever! I still thought that this was funny.

I am a sorority bitch.

I am a sorority bitch. I wear gucci sunglasses. I have a Kate Spade Purse. I fake bake. I binge drink. I don't go to class. I shack. I have lots of different guys' boxers because I shack. I drink lots of hard alcohol I spend hours doing my hair before I go to class so I can get that "messy" look. I go to the gym with makeup on. My hair looks perfect when I am at the gym. I go to the gym in pure spandex. I act like I'm working out really hard when I am at the gym, but really I am only checking out frat boys. I have a frat boy boyfriend. I only associatewith frat boys. I shack at frat houses. You will see me walking down fraternity row in my black platforms and a tube top and capri pants at 11 am on Sunday morning because I just woke up. I diet. I eat salads and lots of chocolate cake. I don't know all of my professors names, but I know all the names of famous designers. I wear calvin clein underwear.. at least it will look good when it's on the floor. I have a cell phone. I talk on my cell phone on the way to class. My cell phone often rings in class. People know I am popular because my cell phone rings so much. My cell phone has many different colored fronts to match all of my outfits. I throw up in Frat bathrooms. I drink jungle juice. I take shots. I sleep in class. I watch 90210. I go out every night. I complain about Monday night meetings. I talk about everyone. I gossip about my sisters. I drink too much. I want daddy to send me more money. I shop at Nordstroms. My liscence plate says Princess. I drive a cool sports car. I have a prada bag. I spend more money on my purses than you did on your computer. You wish you were like me. I know if you were really cool you would rush. If you did rush and dropped, we didn't want you anyway. I wear cute clothes to go get my mail. I wear sorority tee-shirts everywhere, but especially to the gym. I know where the mall is but I don't know where to register for classes. I have sex with frat boys. I talk about how wasted I was last night really loud in class. I was really wasted last night. I always know what's going on. And if it's going on and I don't know about it, it must not be cool. I will ask you what house you're in and I will try not to laugh if your house sucks... or if your not in a house at all, wow, I'm really sorry. What do you do if you're not in a house? Do you go out if you're not in a house? Do you have any friends? Where on earth do you go to drink? I get my hair highlighted. I have a Tiffany's bracelet with my name engraved on it. I only use my computer to email people. I only get good grades on papers because there are copies of them in my house. I am on academic probation. I have lots of frat guys phone numbers on my tack board. I cherish the greek pages. I talk about my house in class. I will ask you about your house in class. I will let everyone know what sorority I'm in. I make out with fraternity boys at frat parties. I can be found at a frat house on any given night at 1:30 am. Late night, duh. I have the perfect outfit for every date dash. At pimps and hoes I don't even have to dress up. I am a jammavibrator, a dick grabber, a chi hoe, a Dog Pound, a dirty girl, a Tri- Dump, a Visa Visa Master Card. I smoke on the front porch of my sorority house. I have a cigarette case to make all of my kenneth cole shoes. I have MAC make up. I have thousands of photographs. I am kissing a frat boy or drinking alcohol in 80 percent of the photos. In the other 20 percent I am too drunk to hold a beer any more or I just got finished kissing a frat boy. If you have a frat boy boyfriend and you're not in a house he's probably getting on me when you're not around. I like getting on other people's boyfriends. It makes me feel really good about myself. Because I am prettier than you, I sure as hell dress better than you, and dammit, I'm cooler than you. I’m a sorority bitch.

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